Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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