he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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