I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
