My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize