its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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