I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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