I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
