Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
