Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
