seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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