He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
