bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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