we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
