wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
