return my video game
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
