Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
