I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize