do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well you can't waste a boner
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
