Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i think my cat just said my name.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
