i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
