Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize