You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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