She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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