One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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