Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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