He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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