I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
