She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
