Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
