Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
