3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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