Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize