Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh god it's open bar.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
