This is not my ceiling
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
