guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
