At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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