You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
