She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
