Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
