Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
