I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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