This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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