He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
