dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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