do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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