kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
