The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
