There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
