I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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