I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
