dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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