roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
