I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
