My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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