Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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