ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
