what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
