Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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