ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
