I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
