i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
