i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize