I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
