Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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