he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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