things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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