the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize