Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
