I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
