so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
