I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
