did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
