my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A bitchslap is in order.
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