so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
