I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
