you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
