I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
