Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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